Hi, my name’s Brittany.
I created Mocktail Mood as a love letter to anyone who thinks they’re alone or broken or bad because of their drinking or any other addiction. I want this website to be a source of light for those who can’t find their own light anymore because it’s been buried underneath the shame and guilt and anguish and desperation and denial that inevitably comes with drinking too much on a regular basis and feeling like you can’t stop. Mocktail Mood is a safety net for anyone drowning in their own fear of finally letting go and putting down the bottle. Because not too long ago, that was me.
When I was 14, I took my first sip of alcohol. That same night I was delivered home to my unassuming parents wrapped in a sheet with no pants on in a complete blackout. My drinking only went down from there.
I wish I could say I quickly learned that I had a penchant for ingesting too much alcohol (and other intoxicating substances), but I didn’t. I spent the next 10 years fighting the fact that I had a problem, and another few years after that accepting this fact and doing something about it. But all of this was necessary and it led me to where I am now: sober, and thank God for that. I spent the first 25 years of my life trying and failing to be perfect, trying and failing to fight away or at least hide my insecurities, trying and failing to make my shortcomings disappear by swallowing as much wine as possible in one sitting. But the more alcohol I drank, the worse my situation became. Crippling anxiety, insomnia, shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment, denial, discomfort, irritability, unhappiness, depression. These were the names of the game I was playing, and the worst part was I had no idea I was fueling the fire that kept these emotions at the forefront of my life.
Frustrated, sick, and ready for change, I went to an AA meeting. It was terrifying, I felt out of place, I hated every moment of it. But what I realized was this: I wasn’t alone. And that realization changed everything.
I’ve made a few mistakes and I’ve had a few slips, all of which I believe were necessary to make me who I am today. I’m by no means a sobriety guru, but I am a girl who’s managed to put down the bottle and string together a few sober 24-hours. I created this little space for one reason: to show others like me that they aren’t alone, either. Because you aren’t. You’re not alone in this, and you aren’t bad, and you aren’t broken. Little by little, I hope you can find yourself again. I’m here for you.